I am so lucky

I feel the need to write.

My thoughts are all jumbled.

Can I make sense of them on paper?

Writing gives me perspective

and makes it easier to let go.

Last weekend I was

very frustrated,

mad,

self-centered,

unhappy,

wallowing in self-pity.

This weekend I was

more balanced,

a little more patient,

trying to be less selfish,

happy.

How did it happen?

I have had to deal with myself for almost 30 years now

and, luckily, have figured out a few things on the way.

Like how to feel at peace with myself, my family, my life.

It shouldn't be complicated to be happy

in my circumstances.

I realize that.

But sometimes it still is.

Sometimes being a mom and wife doesn't come easy to me.

Sometimes I think everyone would be better off

if I wasn't a mom and wife.

Sometimes I wish it was easier to just take off and

do nothing but swimbikeruneatsleep for a week or two.

It's not helping that my German teammates are doing just that.

Right now. On a beautiful island. In the warmth.

I've been there. I've done it. I love it.

Bike until you hit a wall. And then some.

Run yourself into the ground. And back out.

Swim until your arms fall off. And legs.

Smash yourself silly.

See what your body (and mind) is capable of.

That is my passion.

Karl, Noah, and I love the snow.

We could spend hours in it.

Max hates it.

He gets cold, wet, and bored.

Last Saturday we decided to go up in the mountains anyway.

It was a beautiful day and I was itching to get out.

Max was unhappy, miserable, and then screamed for about an hour.

That is when I lost it.

(And made everyone in my family unhappy and miserable.)

Here is what I did to get better.
My personal recipe for a change of mind and heart.

A hard bike session followed by a hard run.

Gets the frustration and anger out of my system.

Helps me focus.

A temple date with Karl.

Is there a better place to find peace?

Helps me get my priorities straight.

Reminds me of why I am here and what really matters.

Talk to Karl.

Communication is so important.

Yet, I am not always good at it.

Make plans. Lots of them.

I love plans. I need something to look forward to and be excited about.

Like a snow run to the top of Squaw Peak with Karl.

A mini training camp in St. George with Leslie.

A 25 km trail race on Antelope Island with friends.

A Super Saturday.

More about that in my next post.

I even took pictures!

I am very grateful to have an amazing husband that hasn't given up on me yet.

I love my 3 boys so much

and know that, in the end, nothing makes me happier

than being with them and enjoying all life has to offer with them.

I am so lucky!

Comments/Kommentare

PS:

Apparently Mama does not care about comments on her blog but I do! Because hey, when I write a cool post, I want to hear what ya'll think of it. And I want you to tell me how cute I am.

So, I changed the setting. Everyone can now comment on our blog now. You don't need a blogspot account or a gmail address anymore.

Happy? Great! Comment away. I can't wait.

And now for my German friends:

Und jetzt mal auf Deutsch, damit ich auch sicher sein kann, dass ihr mich alle richtig versteht.

Also, falls ihr schon immer mal einen Kommentar auf unserem Blog hinterlassen wolltet, aber bisher nicht konntet, jetzt geht's! Einfach auf comment klicken und mir sagen, wie toll ihr mich findet. Mama ist es zwar egal, aber ich mag Komplimente!

Ich freu mich schon.

Love, Max

Happy Max

Hey folks! It's me again. I am back. There are two things I wanted to let you know:

1. I am 18 months old now!
I was hoping for an awesome half-birthday party but instead I got 2 shots and have to go to nursery now.
Oh well, I am still excited about growing up.

2. Although I may have been grumpy at times in German,
I am actually a really happy kid.
Here is proof:

Exploring an old castle with Opa

Climbing - one of my favorite activities

I love this hat!

Sledding on my bum is fun

Sometimes I just have to express how I feel.
I do NOT like sledding in extreme cold.
I think my parents got that message after I cried for about an hour straight.
Next time, let's just stay home.

I kinda like this face though

I was really missing my water/mud puddles while gone so long.
Now I play in them every chance I get.
Pretty much every time we leave the house.

Rain gear rules!

I love bake sales.
Especially in the morning.
It means I get to eat 2 cupcakes and 3 cookies for breakfast.

I did not mind the cold so much.
All the sugar kept me nicely warm inside.

I am not big into snuggling.
But I definitely make an exception for Lynn's sheepskin.
I sneak up and get it whenever she is not paying attention.

It is so incredibly soft.

Animals are my favorite.

I am pretty much the best at playing animal charades in my family.
Growling tiger, peeing doggy, dancing monkey, you name it.

"Mooooohhhhhh"

I guess I could be a guitarist, if I wanted to.

I am so glad I have a big brother.
Life would be really boring without Noah.
What would I do all day?

Thanks, Jamie, for coming to the park with us
and taking pictures.

I have to admit that I obedience is not my forte.
I mean, how much fun is being obedient?
I like being a little rascal much better.
One of my favorite things to do is pretend
that I want to hug a friend
and then wrestle them to the ground.
But that is just one of many.

Yummy fruit snacks. Thanks again, Jamie.

In case you are wondering about the extent of my vocabulary:
I know/say too many words to write them all down
on this little blog here.
But you are welcome to come talk to me anytime.
In German or English.

Peace out, Max.

Failed

Today I failed. In the pool. Big time.

It has been on my mind all day and wanted to write down some of my thoughts. Since this isn't just my scrapbook but also my journal of sorts.

I had been down with a bad cough all weekend. (Ok, so I did some easy spinning while watching Ocean's Twelve but that does not count. I did that even the night before giving birth to Noah.) Tis morning, I drag myself out of bed to go swimming at 5 am but get to the pool a little late because I needed to deliver some tents for Haiti. No big deal, I thought, I want to take it easy today anyway.

Before getting a chance to warm up, I hear: "Today we are going to swim 3,000 meters and I will time you."

What? WHAT? How? Why?

"Coach, with no break? Why? That's going to be the most boring workout ever!"

"Because you have been wanting to do it for the Ironman!"

"Who? Not me! I am not even..."

"Ready? GO!"

I jump in and know right away that I am not going to swim 3,000 meters straight. All I can think about is how I don't feel like it. How I don't want to. What is this good for anyway? Maybe others are but I am not doing Ironman this year. So this workout is not for me.

After 500 meters I stop. I want to get out and switch lanes. Coach does not let me. He makes me get back in and says: "You can do it." Of course I can do it. That is not the problem. The problem is that I don't want to do it. I ask: "Is there any benefit to this?" Yes. Ok. Fine. I'll do it.

I swim another 300 and still can't wrap my head around it. What's wrong with me?
There are all these other (weaker) swimmers next to me and they don't seem to have a problem.

I'm done for sure now. I get out despite the coach telling me to get back in. Hoping to not get kicked out of Masters. I switch lanes and decide to do 4*50 m plus 4* 500 meters. That + the previous 800 = 3,000m. Same thing, right? Nope. Not really. Not even close.

I am swimming. I am thinking. Who is this coach anyway? I don't even know if he is any good. He is just a swim coach. Not a triathlon coach. I know more about triathlon than he does. I need a triathlon coach. One in whom I trust and I will do anything he asks me to do. Anything.

I've done Ironman before and my swim was great. Faster even than some of the female pros. See? I can swim even 3,800 meters in one stretch and be fine. In a lake. Or a river. Or (maybe) even the ocean. But not in a pool.

Wouldn't this be nice?

But what if my quitting shows that I am mentally weak? What if I am not as mentally strong as I think I am? Maybe Coach has us do this workout for that very reason? To see how tough we are? Dang. I should have stuck with it. I should have broken it down in my head, gritted my teeth, and just gone the distance.

Our PHS Cross-Country Motto

But instead, I failed.

But hey, I am ready now! You'd better believe that next time Coach has his stop watch in hand and wants to count laps, I'll be ready. And if he does not anytime soon, I might just have to do it on my own.

The End.
PS: A few hours later, I had a good 75-minute trainer session with hard intervals and then threw down a fast 30-minute transition run. Take that!

Fall Fun

Dear Fall,

We love you so so much. You are our favorite season! We miss you. Can you come again soon? Please? Just look at how much fun we had when you were here. Thank you for bringing Cornbelly's Festival to us and making us happy!

Love, the Jarvis Family





















Dear Winter,

So far you have been pretty disappointing. We would like you a lot better if you could dump a lot of snow on us. What's up with the cold, cloudy, rainy and yucky days? We need lots of sparkly snow and sunshine. Now!

Sincerely, the Jarvis Family

Only 8 Days...

...until the Cherry Chub Reunion!

In a week from today we (as in Max, Noah, and I) will be driving down to Las Vegas to meet up with some of our favorite lady friends. And boy, are we excited!

I found some more pictures of us in earlier days and wanted to share them. I love the memories we have of great and epic adventures together. But I also cherish the small yet unforgettable memories from life on Cherry Lane.

Backpacking: Jen and I on top of King's Peak in September 2002.

Mountaineering: Mandy and I climbing Mount Nebo in February 2004

Snowshoeing: Courtney and I sometime somewhere.

Canyoneering: Waiting for the rain to stop to go down into the Upper Black Box in September 2004. I am still searching for more pictures of this one.


Triathlon: Mandy and I getting ready for the Kokopelli Half in September 2003.


Courtney, Mandy, April, and I splashing in the Sand Hollow reservoir after the race.


Just yesterday in the car I was thinking about the word epic. And about how I have not had an epic adventure in a long time. And about how I really long to have one. I am hoping the White Rim 100 mile Mountain Bike ride we are doing in April in Moab is going to be epic. But not too epic. If you know what I mean. Anyone want to join us?

I am sorry I don't have more pictures of more Cherry Chubs because that certainly ain't all of us. I love all of you and can't wait to see you!